I know that I have held onto hurt & anger toward mainstream Christianity for a long, long time, and I honestly have grown so tired of lugging that burden around with me. I know that a big part of being a true follower of the Living Christ is to (in the most honorable sense of these following words, I promise) be a living bottomless pit of forgiveness. If we expect to be forgiven for our mistakes & our sins & our hurts against others, then we must stand at the ready to forgive others, even if they don't ask for forgiveness.
I am trying to make these more than just words, and I am trying to pray for those who hate me & seek to do harm against me...I really am...but I need help. I've been reading & seeing all kinds of news about the involvement in the African nation of Uganda by some in the American evangelical movement
to create a law there that not only makes homosexuality illegal, but which subjects the "offender" to the possibility of the death penalty.
I know that I should turn the other cheek and keep these misguided people in my prayers, but how do I learn to speak those prayers from my heart when I keep hearing this same thing coming from them? This time it's a bill in Uganda; but we've seen them celebrate as they not only make it illegal for us to legally commit ourselves to those we love, and even take away rights from us in places like Maine & California. I know that they are not finished with us either. They want us gone. Non-existent. Extinct. Permanently removed.
I don't feel as if I am exaggerating. This is how all this comes across to me. This is how these people make people like me feel.
I try to concentrate on the fact that people who support and/or stand quiet while things like this are going on are not
doing work that God has lead them to do, and I know that they are all misguided, but I can't keep making excuses for them, and I can't just keep praying that God will open their eyes before it's too late. I can't help but wonder if it's not already too late.
As much as I hate to use such blunt & graphic language, how can I keep praying for people who are constantly bashing my head in with their spiritual fists? How am I not
supposed to want to fight back, and not become angry when I see & hear the lies & the real harm they're doing to people whose only "sin" is that they don't love the way most other people do???
These aren't rhetorical questions, and I am in tears writing these words, and I want to know if anyone out there can help me understand how I can ever move forward with this kind of stuff going on all around me. How I can learn to forgive people who not only don't want or believe they need forgiveness, and who seem intent on quite literally killing (people like) me?
When does forgiveness effectively become surrender?